He Can Move Mountains
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer." ~Psalm 19:14
I just don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I’m scared. My fear paralyzes everything and I’m unable to move. One moment I am encouraged and life doesn’t seem so bad, but then I remember everything that I’m struggling with. Warfare consumes every moment of my day. All night I toss and turn as my flesh and God wage war. Am I turning back into the person I once was? Is this it? What happened to make me this way once again? I can’t handle this. I want God. I need God. I don’t want the old me, ever, never. But then there’s my flesh, weak and frail. I’m ready to collapse at any moment. I’m a slave to the lies Satan is feeding my heart, even though I know they’re not true…but then again, maybe I do. I find myself frustrated, alone, angry, afraid. I’m frustrated with myself. Why do I have to be like this? Why do I allow myself to believe these lies? Why am I struggling in this way…again? I hate this. I despise it. What the frick is going on? What ever happened to joy? Peace? Happiness? Life? The darkest pieces of my past haunt me day and night and I can’t do anything about it. I need someone to listen. Someone to come alongside me and just be angry with me. Someone to just hold me up when I can no longer stand.
